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Nothing says the future of finance like a good old-fashioned meltdown,Desperate Housewives XXX Porn Parody and the upcoming bitcoin cash hard fork has that in spades. This is thanks, in no small part, to a man named Craig Wright.

Wright, derisively known as "Faketoshi" for his dubious claim that he is in fact Bitcoin creator Satoshi Nakamoto, has gone on a strange rant in support of his version of Bitcoin Cash's (BCH) future known as Bitcoin SV (Satoshi’s Vision).

Deep into a rambling, multi-day tweet bender, Wright has taken it upon himself to spew invective at anyone he believes threatens his plans for Bitcoin SV — especially those defending the Roger Ver-backed rival project Bitcoin ABC.

But before we get too deep in the crypto weeds, some background is in order.

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Those of you whose brains have yet to be rendered functionally useless by cryptocurrency-related inanity may remember that last year Bitcoin itself experienced a so-called hard fork. The split was the result of a disagreement regarding the best way to scale a digital currency on its way to becoming bogged down by increased transactions and associated high fees, and gave birth to Bitcoin Cash (BCH) in the process.

Bitcoin Cash is now poised to undergo its own Athena moment, scheduled for Nov. 15, with a totally new coin leaping forth from its progenitor's head. More accurately, the fork will likely result in the creation of two separate coins — each updated from BCH in different ways — as the fight essentially boils down to what specific changes will be made to Bitcoin Cash (not whether to make changes at all).

With us so far? Oh, and just to make everything more confusing, there are a total of three different proposals for how to best move forward.

But while the end goal is to improve BCH, no one can quite agree on just what exactly that means. That's left prominent members of the Bitcoin Cash community all vying for attention with their competing technical solutions.

And there's a lot a stake. Bitcoin cash is the fourth largest cryptocurrency by market cap, and whichever proposal gets the most support will likely take a majority of mining power with it. Without that power, the left behind coin could potentially wither — dragging its dollar value down with it.

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So with both money and prestige on the line, Wright has decided to fully freak out.

"And, no you ABSOLUTE cuck," he tweeted on Nov. 13 in response to a defense of Bitcoin ABC. "Bitcoin IS not even close to a soy boy commitee. It is all use hard assed buggers bending you over to show you the light. It is capitalism. Enjoy"

Reassuring, right? That tweet was just one of many off-the-rails outbursts from the self-proclaimed Bitcoin creator, and definitely displayed the level of maturity you'd hope to find in someone attempting to steer a cryptocurrency to a brighter future.

And then there's the supposed email he sent to Roger Ver. Ver, for those blissfully unaware, was an early promoter of and investor in bitcoin, who later became a full on bitcoin cash evangelist. He now supports Bitcoin ABC. In a Nov. 8 YouTube video, Ver shared what he said was an email to him from Wright.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

In the supposed email, Wright once again pushes the questionable claim that he is Satoshi, and threatens Ver with "war."

Ver, at least, appears willing to admit that maybe — just maybe — he screwed up by aligning himself with Wright in the past.

"It's never easy to admit that you've been fooled," he says in the YouTube video. "Maybe I've been fooled."

The video, embedded below, continues with Ver making a tortured analogy about Bitcoin ABC's attempt to exist separately from Bitcoin SV.

"If you wife wants a divorce, you don't lock her in the closet and say 'no.'"

So, with just a few days to go until the planned hard fork, the Bitcoin Cash community is faced with an embarrassing meltdown and threats of "war."

And while whether Bitcoin ABC or Bitcoin SV will ultimately reign supreme is presently anyone's guess, one thing is for sure: Dogecoin is starting to look a lot more reasonable.

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Topics Bitcoin Cryptocurrency